I had already written something else I wanted to post today. Nothing was wrong with it, but I just felt deep down in my spirit that there was probably something else God wanted me to post, All of today, I had no idea what it was but I waited for it and it came.
It's strength for me to say this here but I feel it's gonna be an inspiration to other people. There was a time in my life I carried so much burden. This was as a result of what was happening mostly at that time, that was the time of my life I felt unhappy the most. It seemed like things weren't just working the way I had planned and expected them to. It was as if there was no direction at all. I was just jumping on options to see what would work out for me. I wasn't getting into school with my mates, I spent at about two years waiting and this two years, the problem wasn't even with my result or anything and this was most painful for me. It just happened that way. I wasn't accepted into school the first year and then the second year, there was a mistake in my result so I was just automatically rejected. Other things were just happening as if they had all planned to happen at once. There was also a time I ignorantly chose to magnify insecurities I had about myself. Anger, resentment etc was built up for some reason I dont know and I just kind of felt heavy at heart.
Back then, I would say I had no relationship with God, I was just religious (Romans 10 vs 2; For I testify that they have a zeal for God but not according to knowledge). I didn't understand what it meant to be forgiven by God as I still carried the burden of what I had done in the past around, I basically let myself be defined by them. The people I surrounded myself with during this time and shortly after most times never spoke good to me, more like mean or judgemental words. It was very hurtful because I was nice so I expected everyone to be like me or reciprocate that. I had a need to want to belong somewhere even when I knew I was different. I lived life to gain approval and impress God and people. Society may say going through tough times like this doesn't require God's intervention. I feel they say that out of their wrong notion of God and how deep religion has clouded their judgement but I must say that having a relationship with God changed my life (Philippians 3 verse 10). It's funny because God led me to know him mysteriously.
I wasn't sure I was saved then but when I got a revelation of who God is, I became sure of my salvation. I experienced God’s love deeply that sometimes I was marvelled of the length God would go for me. I went through series of intense teaching from God that I submitted myself to, I wouldn't say it was easy but God is a loving and patient coach. I didn't have to live life lonely or do things alone any longer because I felt God was with me every step of the way, even if I was alone in a room, I didn't feel lonely. I voiced out my deepest concerns and fears to God without holding back. I accepted the happiness God offered, yes God offers happiness but it's our choice to accept it and live it. I saw things differently and I was able to embrace God's purpose for my life and walk in it. Accepting God's purpose helped me see that whatever stage I reach in life based on the world's standard, I mean academically, career wise, dreams etc. Is important, useful and valuable for life on earth (which I'm not against) but it's not what really matters. It's the work that God has called me to do that matters the most because this work is what's going to be tested and tried by God (1 Corinthians 3 verse 13). Our works are what we will leave the earth with, this work is what will make my father's business to be a success which is reaching the ends of the earth with the gospel and the love of God, in order to call unto God as many as possible. Infact, taking your calling/purpose personal is what love really is because you are adding to the body of Christ.
My perspective about life has changed, things that scared me before do not scare me anymore because nothing that happens here on earth defines who I am. My identity is in Christ and my life is Christ centered. God wants us to endeavour to continually be at rest (living life knowing that God has made everything available to you). God’s love is the greatest sweetest form of love ever. I dont know what notion it is you have about God but if it's anything that doesn't present God as the author of love then it's a wrong notion.
